My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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