Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
