Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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