my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
