Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
