I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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