either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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