I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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