This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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