I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
