Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
