Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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