All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize