I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
