I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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