She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
