guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
