Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
