I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
