; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
