Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
