so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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