like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
