phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
