white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
