ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
