The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
