if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
