now i know why i became what i already was.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
