does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
