My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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