You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
