we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
