At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
