I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
