man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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