Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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