This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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