i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize