New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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