Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
