Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
