Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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