we have officially lost it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize