I want to walk on stilts...naked
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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