She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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