In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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