Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
