her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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