hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
