I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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