Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize