Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
