A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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