What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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