Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
