Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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