I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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