someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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