I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
