I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
