i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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