Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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