stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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