I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
