I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize