so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
