3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
