Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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